...Camel Toe Cup

Hot and humid, the weather has been like this for the past few months. Just as I was about to go back home after my classes, I decided otherwise. It’s been a few days since my regime of going to the gym literally came to a halt. For this I blame it on personal commitments. I prefer to use the word personal commitments rather than indolent as I enjoyed nothing more than deceiving myself.

Predictably, the gym was packed with beef-buffs, exercise loathers, potato couches, dwarfs, Kate-Moss clones and other aliens. Not many homo sapiens tonight, humans are after all extinct. I quickly found a cardio machine after an oversized female dwarf finished her routine of 1-minute. Most probably her over-worked heart couldn’t take it. Can’t really blame the heart if it is pumping blood to 100 kilograms of fat.

The machine squeak to a slow start before gaining speed. I glanced over my shoulders to see what type of alien was beside me. Another Kate-Moss clone, petite with a small face, body legs, arms, hands, boobs and everything else I guess. She is terribly thin a total contrast to that female dwarf that just left. Her collar-bone was protruding like a Volvo’s fender, with small thin slender tender thin arms that flailed weakly in the air.

She was wearing a small white T-shirt which look too large for a her minute body. Incredibly, her legs were snuggly fitted into a pair of nylons. Never knew China made them this size. I strongly recommend a Camel Toe Cup to fill up those nylons!

...Feminism is Nonsense

"Much of this talk about feminism is nonsense," Beatrice Webb was told one day. "Any woman would rather be beautiful than clever." "Quite true," she replied, "but that is because so many men are stupid and so few are blind!"

...Daughters' of Eve

Eve’s daughters that promulgate the world from the seeds of Adam’s sons, profess Vanity (Pride, by Her other name), above all else. God reminded Eve that Pride comes before a fall, when Eve succumbed to the Serpent’s Temptation.

Till this day, that advice went unheeded. Look at Eve’s daughters in their sensuous mortal shell. Would you want to come into their world? They played and frolicked in the Garden of Lust, occasionally parting their legs to reveal Eve’ inner core. Most of Adam’s sons partake in the fantasy of spewing hot seeds into their carnal cavity. In this tale most fantasies do come true, for it is their biological destiny. The deviants, looked away in disgust. Unfortunately, their forefathers did not look away fast enough though and was turned into a pile of salt as a result. God always has His ways with His people.

...A Tale of Two Casinos

Everybody knows about Lee’s Incorporated immense aspiration to build two casinos on a mound of soil. Two monuments dedicated to debauchery and sin on an island, which is paradoxically, called “Sentosa Island” or Island of Peace.

I make no qualms about their idiosyncratic ambition; as a matter of fact I much welcome it. The other Sin Gods would have agreed with me. After all the profligacy of Man is their foremost endeavor, not that I give a flying fuck. Humans are so blissful with their self-delusion, just look at the girls below. Four elfin Eve’s daughters, ostensibly enjoying themselves, seemingly oblivious to the tapering grip of Lust, Greed and Pride.

...Sweet Aroma of Retribution

I came across a most obnoxious Malay woman this morning. Clad in the classic Islamic garb, her vanity betrays her modest Islamic façade. Wet lips moistened with what seems like an inch of lipstick, dark red mind you. Her futile attempts to cover the pot holes on her face ravaged by acne was laughable. Nevertheless I never gave this ugly creature much thought while she was queuing behind me, until of course she started shoving me for an empty seat in the train, which is technically mine.

Straddling her fat ass on the plastic seat, she quickly pretended to fall asleep as I bore my gaze down upon her. She seemed to perceive this but ignored my futile attempts in reminding her that she took my place!

Did I tell her off?

Did I hit her? Oh, Heaven forbids…never. Merely touching her will soil my hands.

I did the next best thing, I slowly turn my back on her face, imitating a person looking over his shoulders and farted. It was silent but the smell was rather pervasive and unpleasant, a mixture of last night’s dinner and soiled milk. The smell of anal horribilis which subconsciously reminded me of the conversation I had with Marianne [ http://christianlee.blogspot.com/2005/06/symphony-of-vulva.html ]

As the smell drifted to her flared nostril, she instinctively did a facial cringe. Try as she might, she still need to respire. After all, she is human. Trapped in the seat she so callously deprived from me, all she could do was to cover her nose with her hands. I mock the same response to create an alibi.

Throughout the 25-minute passage, I silently let out another three odorous concoction. That’s for messing with me bitch!

...Myth of the Malaysian Meritocracy

This email found its way into my Inbox and I thought of sharing it here. Originally, it was posted on www.jeffooi.com. I guess it was later edited with the Cut & Paste function and end up circulating on the internet. Power to modern technology!

Obviously, the writer of the letter is ignorant after having spent years abroad. I have totally no idea why he insist on coming back despite his repeated claims of "patriotism. " Currently, there are literally millions of Malaysian Chinese living and working abroad. A bulk of which work, live and play for Lee’s Incorporated. Seeing such trans migration is nothing new because it has always been a known fact that Malaysia has a problem with meritocracy or lack of it.

If I am earning USD22,000 a month in a top investment bank abroad, coming back home to Malaysia is the last thing on my mind, if ever. This country has never and will never practice meritocracy. It’s not that it can’t but because it cannot afford to. The whole nation is straddle with debts to push the Malays to a higher social standing, unfortunately at the expanse of the minority which contributes to almost 70% of the economy.

My advice to him is stay where you are…Home is Where the Heart Is, although physically you might as well blow USD22,000 on some foreign beach and bitch!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Mr Ooi,
I have been meaning to pen some thoughts for some time now, to let
people actually read the views of the typical 'overseas Malaysian' who
is kept away. I realise that my email is rather long, but I do hope
that you would consider publishing it (and also keep my name
private!).

I shall start by telling a little about my background. Mine is a
rather sad tale - of a young Malaysian full of hope and patriotic
enthusiasm, which is slowly but surely trickling away.
I am very different from many other non-bumiputeras, as I was given
tremendous opportunities throughout my childhood. Born into a
middle-class Chinese but English-speaking family, I grew up with all
the privileges of imported books, computers, piano/violin lessons and
tuition teachers.

My parents insisted that I should be exposed to a multi-racial
education in a national school. In my time, my urban national school
(a missionary school) was a truly happy place - where the Malays,
Chinese and Indian students were roughly equal in proportion. We
played and laughed with each other, and studied the history of the
world together during Form 4, with one interesting chapter dedicated
to Islamic history.

Though 75% of my teachers were Malays, I never really noticed. My
Malay teachers were the kindest to me - teaching me well and offering
me every possible opportunity to develop. I led the district teams for
English and Bahasa Malaysia debating competitions. I was the only
non-Malay finalist in the Bahasa Malaysian state-level elocution
competition. My Malay teachers encouraged me to transfer to a
government residential school (sekolah berasrama penuh) so as to
enable me to maximise my academic potential. I refused because I was
happy where I was, so they made me head prefect and nominated me as a
'Tokoh Pelajar Kebangsaan'. Till this day, I am absolutely certain
that it was the kindness of all my Malay teachers which made me a true
Malaysian.

I excelled at school and was offered a Singaporean government
scholarship to study overseas. I turned them down because I wanted to
ensure that I would remain a 'true Malaysian' in the eyes of Malaysia.
So I accepted a Malaysian government scholarship to study at Oxford
University. Throughout my three years as an undergraduate, the
officers at the MSD looked after me very well, and was always there to
offer support.

I graduated with first class honours, and was offered a job with a
leading investment bank. The JPA released me from my bond, so as to
enable me to develop my potential. I shall always be grateful for
that. I worked hard and rose in rank. My employer sent to me to
Harvard University for postgraduate study and I climbed further up
their meritocratic ladder.

Now I am 31 years old and draw a comfortable monthly salary of
US$22,000. Yet, I yearn to return home. I miss my home, my family, my
friends, my Malaysian hawker food and the life in Malaysia. I have
been asked many times by Singaporean government agencies to join them
on very lucrative terms, but I have always refused due to my inherent
patriotism.

I really want to return home. I have been told by government-linked
corporations and private companies in Malaysia that at best, I would
still have to take a 70% pay cut if I return to Malaysia to work. I am
prepared and willing to accept that. My country has done a lot for me,
so I should not complain about money.

But of late, my idealistic vision of my country has really come
crashing down, harder and faster than ever before.
I read about the annual fiasco involving non-bumiputera top scorers
who are denied entry to critical courses at local universities and are
offered forestry and fisheries instead. (My cousin scored 10A1's for
SPM and yet was denied a scholarship).
I read about UMNO Youth attacking the so-called meritocracy system
because there are less than 60% of Malay students in law and pharmacy,
whilst conveniently keeping silent about the fact that 90% of overseas
scholarship recipients are Malays and that Malays form the vast
majority in courses like medicine, accountancy and engineering at
local universities.

I read about the Higher Education Minister promising that
non-bumiputera Malaysians will never ever step foot into UiTM.
I read about a poor Chinese teacher's daughter with 11A1's being
denied a scholarship, while I know some Malay friends who scored 7A's
and whose parents are millionaires being given scholarships.
I read about the brilliant Prof. K.S. Jomo, who was denied a promotion
to Senior Professor (not even to Head of Department), although he was
backed by references from three Nobel Prize winners. Of course, his
talent is recognised by a prestigious appointment at the United
Nations.

I read about UMNO Youth accusing Chinese schools of being detrimental
to racial integration, while demanding that Mara Junior Science
Colleges and other residential schools be kept only for Malays.
I read about the Malay newspaper editors attacking the private sector
for not appointing enough Malays to senior management level, whilst
insisting that the government always ensure that Malays dominate
anything government-related.

I read that at our local universities, not a single Vice-Chancellor or
Deputy Vice-Chancellor is non-Malay.
I read that in the government, not a single Secretary-General of any
ministry is non-Malay. The same goes for all government agencies like
the police, armed forces, etc.
I read about UMNO screaming for the Malay Agenda, but accusing
everyone else of racism for whispering about equality.
I read about a poor Indian lady having to pay full price for a
low-cost house after being dispossessed from a plantation, whilst
Malay millionaires demand their 10% bumiputera discount when buying
RM2 million bungalows in a gated community.
I read about my beloved national schools becoming more and more
Islamic by the day, enforced by overzealous principals.
I read about my Form 4 World History (Sejarah Dunia) syllabus, which
now contains only one chapter of world history, with Islamic history
covering the rest of the book.
As I read all this, I tremble with fear. I love my country and long to
return. I am willing to take a 70% pay cut. I am willing to face a
demotion. I honestly want to contribute my expertise in complex
financial services and capital markets. But really, is there a future
for me, for my children and for their children? I am truly frightened.
I can deal with the lack of democracy, the lack of press freedom, the
ISA, our inefficient and bureaucratic civil service, our awful manners
and even a little corruption. But I cannot deal with racism in my
homeland.

I think this is the single biggest factor which is keeping people like
myself away. And bear in mind - there are so many of us (researchers,
scientists, bankers, economists, lawyers, academics, etc.). What
people read about in Malaysia (like Dr Terence Gomez) is but the
tiniest tip of the iceberg. You will be amazed to know about
Malaysians denied JPA scholarships (which would have made them civil
servants), took loans to attend Ivy League universities, but who are
later asked to advise our government (on IT, economics, etc.) at fees
running to millions of US dollars. Such information will never be
published because it is politically incorrect.

As a Christian, I pray for God's blessing on this great country of
ours. I pray that He blesses our leaders with the foresight and
humanity to see that this will not work and cannot continue. I pray
that they will have the strength to make our country a home for all
Malaysians and that they will have mercy for the poor, including the
non-Malays. I pray for true racial harmony and acceptance (not just
tolerance) in Malaysia.

Yours sincerely,
A very frightened Malaysian abroad

...MRT Mushrooms

Stairs, two flights of them to reach the platform. The sound of shoes stomping on the platform greeted my accession. I was running late this morning. Usually at times like this “Murphy’s Law” applies, I needed to pee. Yes! Here am I rushing my ass off to catch the next train to work, my bladder decides a detour. To make matters worse, it is unusually crowded today, people were seen rushing to board the next train to the city.

I quickened my pace to the nearest toilet, actually it’s the only toilet. Having traveled to many places, I always draw comparison with efficient transport hubs like Tokyo’s Shinjuku Station or even Lee’s Incorporated (Singapore) MRT Station. Sadly, our facilities truly paled in comparison.

Damp, the air tinged with uric, I placed myself strategically over the cubicle. I unzipped hurriedly, with my bladder doing most of the thinking.There was another guy standing next to me. He looked tired although from his appearance and demeanor, he is barely in his thirties . His body smartly dressed in a long sleeved white shirt, a sign of the working class, leaned wearily against the cubicle with his shoulders weighed down on both sides. I can’t help but to notice that this guy has the smallest dick I have ever seen, barely noticeable apart from the stream of water that seems to gush out from a hole on his body.

It makes me wonder why Men since the beginning of Time compares and comment on the size of a Women’s breast, yet we hear so little from the fairer sex on the size of the phallus?

...A Reason For Intoxication

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say
to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~ Dave Howell

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

...Connoisseur of the Cunt

Our conversation teetered to the point of being tasteless. Maybe the word “tasteless” is not appropriate in this context. We are after all having a conversation on “Connoisseur of the Cunt”. I believe that pussy gourmet is one of Marianne’s many specialties. She has been a lesbian for as long as I could remember, not that it mattered to me. Her sexuality both her strength and weakness depending on which perspective (crooked or straight view) you take, reinforces a notion that “A Woman Knows a Woman Best”. Her partner has been with her for 15 years, longer than most heterosexual union that I know of.

It was already running late and my mind was numbed with nonsensical albeit interesting verbal barrage from Marianne. I looked at her in the dimness of the café. Her long jet black hair frames the sharp oriental feature, which is deep set on milky flawless skin. Most men will find her features unique, not overly beautiful though but sensual to say the least.

“So there is no difference whether you are licking ass or eating the pussy, because they are all the same!” Marianne added nonchalantly.

With that she sipped her half cup of Mocha flavored –Frappuccino, staining her Estée Lauder glazed lips. Sensing the slight smearing, she instinctively licked her lips clean while pushing the drink towards me.

“Here, please finish it for me.”

After the conversation we had, I politely declined.

...Symphony of the Vulva

Marriane was quick to add…

“The smell of fresh fish, oysters, clams, mussels, etc. is the smell of the ocean, otherwise they are spoiled. The fish smell we normally talk about is rotten fish. With pussies it works much in the same way. As you concur with me, pussies do smell like the ocean, but primarily they smell like pussy. I agree with you, they somewhat resemble the smell of oysters, but very fresh oysters.What I'm trying to say is that inexperienced guys should be aware that pussies are NOT expected to have a foul smell. If this is the case, either it is sick or subjected to bad hygiene. In both cases it is better to stay away.It's very true when you say, it's like a bad smell and a good smell at the same time. But finally what you should perceive is pleasurable. If you don't like the smell, don't eat it (and don't put your dick in it).It's immensely difficult to describe with words what a pussy smells like, and even more difficult to say what differentiates a normally smelling pussy, from a foul smelling one. Moreover, it's impossible to explain if what you're smelling is normal but not within your taste, or foul smelling.”

Furthermore, Marriane was adamant that the pussy smells exactly like anal orifice! She relented an experience by a male colleague which I safely conclude is heterosexual.

“Okay to start with, David been with 2 women before of whom he met during a party. One of them smelled good, the other's pussy smelled AWFUL. Yet, the weird part of it was, they were the same type of smell (the smell of my finger after David put it in their vagina). It’s like the same smell, but one made him sick the other made him hard.But here is the sick part.David took a shower and was sitting down studying for a bit when suddenly an itch came over him. He promptly scratched the itch, but the itch started traveling near his butt hole. No, David didn't go inside the hole but he was scratching around that area and then like any disgusting heterosexual males would do, he smelled his own finger.Guess what his finger smelled JUST like pussy!Now please ease yourself on the jokes. David is a straight man and he don’t have a “Vulva Conformity Syndrome”. But this smell was almost exactly like pussy.What’s the deal with this smell. David thought, “Biologically, we are supposed to like this vagina smell to help us aroused.Why does the pussy smell like ass? How come one girl's smell turned me on and the other's turned me completely off?, David continued his questions.”

...Smells like Fish, Taste like Chicken

However described, some calls it the "Fragrant of Love". Yes, the smell of the vaginal. A friend who is bisexual in nature, polygamist in practice and nihilist in life brought in this discussion. To me she is simply, Ms Marianne. I have known her for some time, we barely talked though. Her thoughts are razor sharp and her words are venom laced, a fine companion indeed.

Over a cup of coffee at Starbucks, in a corner side table, we sat barely moving apart from the occasional glances into the streets of Kuala Lumpur. Traffic was bad, exhaust fumes were permeating the air. I remarked sharply at this uncomfortable position, “It smells like puss here!”

To a connoisseur of carnal pleasures, Marianne did not find my remark funny. As a matter of fact, she finds it degrading when I equate the “Love Tunnel” to an “Exhaust Pipe” spewing forth filth she so highly regard as the aroma of lust.

Our conversation continued…

...Scum-sucking Sycophants!

AW yes,
To be an honest human being,
Honest with one’s self,
Honest with God,
Honest with others.

Enough of,
Being an organizational man,
A team player,
A status-quo oriented,
Whatever you say boss,
Yes I’ll kiss your ass,
Anytime you want,Kind of guy.

What the world does not need,
Is another bunch of,
Scum-sucking sycophants,
Back-slapping toads,
Submissive slaves,
Grinning fools,Yes men,
Truckling turds,
Groveling,
Boot-licking,
Brown-nosing,
Stooges,
Cowering,
Cringing,
Kowtowing,
Ingratiating goons,
Submissive,
Obsequious,
Sniveling,
Wheedling,
Well-wishers,
Mealy-mouthed,
Mortimers,
Fawning,
Groveling,
Partisan flunkies,
Ass-kissing,
Good old boy,
Government lackeys.

Enough of that shit!
To hell with that kind of life,
No more being just another,
Damn wage slave!
However,What the world does need is more,
Whistle-blowers,
Free-thinkers,
Iconoclasts,
Infidels,
Insubordinates,
Doubting Thomases,
Devil’s advocates,
Scoffers,
Rebels,
Recalcitrant radicals,
Reprobates,
Revolutionaries,
Iconoclasts,
Individualists,
Insurgents,
Insurrectionists,
Liberals,
Mutinous mugwumps,
Liberators,
Emancipators,
Seditious subversives,
Scalawags,
Mavericks.

People who,
Quite frankly,
Don’t give a good damn,
About anything,
Except what is right.
What the world needs,
Is a few more,
Leo Tolstoys,
Henry David Thoreaus,
Martin Luther Kings,
Mohandas Gandhis,
Bob Dylans,
Jesus Christs,

A few more,
Loose cannons.

That’s what the world needs!

Credit to Doug Soderstrom, Ph.D. May 14, 2005